Layoff What?

A responsible person would hear the word "layoff", look at their monthly budget and cut back costs wherever necessary. Me? Not so responsible. I decided last night that I needed one more monthly expenditure so I went and opened up a Netflix account. I've gotta tell you that I am all excited about this and have already put 48 movies in my queue! So I should have Transformers arriving at my door tomorrow followed by Hot Fuzz shortly after that. The one responsible thing that I did do was go for the $8.99/month plan which allows for 1 movie at a time. I could've gone for a more expensive plan, but figured I could only afford the cheaper one...at least I hope.

Luckily I still have my job as a personal care attendant. I never quit that job in case the family ever needed me for emergencies. That way I'd be on the payroll and could work. I made roughly the same hourly wage there, so there's that. The only problem is that I don't get nearly 40 hours/week worth of work and there's no benefits. But I've been applying for other jobs, so we'll see what happens. I've been applying for a bunch of counselor jobs within the school system. I've found that I like that setting since being at this job and you can't beat having summers off!

In other news, book news, I'm still reading but very slowly. I've started Carole McDonnell's Wind Follower and the 60 pages that I've read so far is phenomenal! I expected to enjoy this one, but it's really exceeded my expectations. So far it's the story of a young man named Loic, son of the head of a tribe who has fallen in love with a dark skinned girl named Satha who is from a tribe different than his, poor and beyond the typical age of marriage. It's gripping, literally from page one and already explores issues of culture, race, and tradition. And isn't that cover incredible? Timothy Lantz is the cover artist.

I've also been reading a book that's really surprised me. It's called What it Takes to Pull me Through and it's the story of a group of adolescents at a psychiatric boarding school. As a counselor, it's a wonderful book and it's made me smile many times because it reminds me of so many of the groups that I ran at the psychiatric hospital that I interned at. I miss those kids.
The kids in this book all have different backgrounds and different issues and we follow them from their problems before they go into the school all the way through their 14 month treatment. We see the highs and lows and everything in between. This is a great read for anyone who is raising a teen or for counselors or for teens who are going through problems.

Migraines And Moving Forward

The migraines are back...blah. Things have actually been pretty decent lately when it comes to headaches. Ever since I started the topamax the migraines have started to cool down to maybe 3 or 4 a month instead of the previous 6 to 8 per month. The neurologists says that the best I can hope for is to get them down to about 2 to 3 per month, which will work for me, but she says that unfortunately, I'll probably always have them and I'll just have to take the Relpax to get rid of them when I get one. But in the last week I've had 2! This will be the third. That sucks...I haven't had 3 headaches in a week in ages...probably about 6 months.

So I'm spending the night watching Lord of the Rings on TV even though I own the dvds and could watch them with without commercials, a topic that Deslily wrote about not too long ago. Funny how us silly humans do things like that...but then again, if you watch the movie on tv, you do get the wonderful entertainment of seeing commercials with little jingles that sing "viva viagra"......

I've been reading again lately which is good. I'm so glad to be out of that slump, and the books that I've been reading have been really good! I'm currently reading my first Tolstoy for the classics challenge (a very short Tolstoy) and his writing is incredible! If I'm feeling brave one of these days I'll attempt to tackle War and Peace or Anna Karenina, but that probably won't happen any time soon. There's a great 30 page introduction by Ronald Blythe before my version The Death of Ivan Ilyich that tells you all kinds of really cool things about Tolstoy. Strange guy, but cool guy.

The best news of the week is that I have 2 job interviews next week! One on Monday and one on Friday. The one on Monday is for a job that I've been wanting since before I graduated and I've applied for that job 3 times, so I'm really keeping my fingers crossed for that one! They're both state counseling jobs, so while the pay wouldn't be the best, I would have excellent benefits and it would be good experience while I'm getting my licensure. At this point I don't really care that much about the money any more. Sure, it needs to be enough for me to live on, but I just want to be somewhere where I am happy and where I'm working with kids and making a difference in their lives. If I can find that, I'm cool.

Strike 1 On The Job Hunt

So I didn't even make it as far as the interview on the first one...here's the story:

When I first applied for this job it was in response to an ad in the paper that didn't list the company name, didn't say anything about the company except that they were hiring counselors and only listed the fax #. When I got a call back for an "interview" I googled their name and found that they don't have a website, and when I called back I was told by the receptionist that the company does not have voicemail. Ok, it may be a great company with a low budget who puts their money into their clients' well being.

I finally talk to the lady I'm supposed to interview with and she's less than friendly to put it nicely. As soon as I ask what the position is that's available (wasn't listed in the paper) she lets out a deep sigh and asks "what d'ya wanna know?" Me: "is it a full time position?" her: "we have full time, but we'd rather hire you part time....what's your degree in, I haven't looked at your resume?" Wow...

So I do some more research and find that the place is in a really bad part of New Orleans where the majority of our crime rate comes from next to a paycheck cashing place. The lady calls me today saying that she has to reschedule my interview for tomorrow. I tell her I can't take off of work on that short of a notice. She asks when's a better time....I ask if she can just mail me an application and some more details on the job...she says no (rudely)....I find out that I'm not counseling in an office, I'd be going into clients' homes...thinking this isn't really my kind of job and this hasn't been the greatest of experiences...I tell her I'll think more about it and call her back if I decide to continue with the process...she says that's fine.

Yeah, kinda glad that's over with. Oh well, that one obviously wasn't meant to be. On to bigger and better things....

Trip To The Bookstore And Mapping July

I've been so stressed lately and I'm not entirely sure why. I think it's just a number of things. Much of it is good stress, but good stress is stress none the less. I could sit here and ramble on about everything that's stressing me out, but that would only make me stress out even more...so instead, I'll talk about what I do to handle stress :) Well first of all, I tend to turn to books...duh...this usually involves buying books, which I did tonight. I didn't go overboard though...I used some control. The books of the night:

Kate Di Camillo's The Tiger Rising - I just had to read something else by her after the wonder Tale of Despereaux and this was all they had by her at Barnes and Noble. I may read this one tonight. Sounds great. By the way, if you're a DiCamillo fan, I highly recommend that you check out Carl's excellent review of The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane. It's the book that I really wanted to get by her tonight after reading his review...but they didn't have it :(

Terry Pratchett's The Color of Magic - This is the first book in the Discworld series. Knowing Nymeth's love of Pratchett's Discworld novels and after Jean Pierre's Thud! review and resulting Discworld conversation, I just had to start this series! So here it goes!

Gabriel Garcia Marquez's Love in the Time of Cholera - Nymeth wrote a wonderful review on this one and Robin described it as "the most passionate and intoxicating book I have ever read." Well, after that I had to read it! The girl at the register at B&N told me that Marquez is her favorite author, so I have really high expectations of this one! Looking forward to it and I can add this one to my Classics Challenge list.

SO...the other thing I do when I'm stressed out is plan, plan, plan and organize, organize, organize...I need structure and when life gets too out of hand, I go crazy trying to get everything back in place. So I've planned out July's reading :) I may not get all of this in as I have a friend coming in all next week and then the following week I FINALLY get to spend a week with Megan...but here's the plan:-Finish The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
-The Tiger Rising by Kate DiCamillo (may read tonight)
-Siddhartha by Herman Hesse (for Classics Challenge)
-The Color of Magic by Terry Pratchett
-Crispin: The Cross of Lead by Avi (for Newbery Challenge)
-Smoke and Mirrors by Neil Gaiman
-Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez (bonus for Classics Challenge)
-AND Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (this one will be read on July 21st...trust me)

Keep your fingers crossed on Thursday for me...Job interview at 2!

10:4 Check In, Nice Editors, & Accomplishing Things

I just realized that it's time for a 10:4 Challenge check in...actually, yesterday was check in time but I forgot. This month wasn't so good, but it wasn't so bad...I lost 2 more pounds! Could've been better, but hey, there's still 2 more months left and I'm less than 2 pounds away from successfully completing the challenge which is to lose 10 pounds in 4 months. Of course, I could be much more successful and probably could've lost all of the wait by now if I didn't do things like reward myself for losing 2 pounds by shoving a donut down my throat...but hey, old habits die hard...

I got an email yesterday from Edmund Schubert, the editor of Intergalactic Medicine Show, Orson Scott Card's online webzine of fantasy and science fiction! He wanted to thank me for the mention on my blog of the webzine and informed me that Tor will be publishing an IGMS Anthology soon! Very cool! He also pointed me in the direction of his blog which is great, and I think that many of you would really enjoy it. It's called Side-Show Freaks and features essays from many great sci-fi/fantasy authors as well as some great slices of life and IGMS news. Check it out.

Today has been a day of trying to get things accomplished. I went to get my oil changed at the Honda dealership which proved to be such a pain in the ass. It took 2 1/2 hours to get my oil changed...at least I brought The Time Traveler's wife with me, so I got some reading done. Gassed up the car, got some coffee, got a very much needed haircut, came home and applied for 4 more jobs. So I feel like I've at least accomplished something today. Sometimes I just feel like I'm wasting away with no job, but days like today help...I enjoy checking things off of a list. And now back to more reading!

Life And Other Things

I feel like I'm finally making a little bit of progress in life! I was contacted by a friend of a friend of my mom's who is a private practice counselor who was kind enough to offer me a little bit of advice on the job hunt, etc. The friend of my mom's sent him a copy of my resume and he said that he was very impressed by it...but where I may be running into a road block with not finding a job is that I don't mention anything about licensure on my resume. So after back and forth emails, I've now begun the licensure process for my LPC (Licensed Professional Counselor)! So I can now put on my resume that I'm "license eligible" which will hopefully open up some more doors for me since employers will see that I am indeed working my way towards becoming licensed. He said that he would think that people could figure that out since I have clinical experience and a Masters in counseling, but you never know. He was also kind enough to offer me a little bit of work! It's not much and I'm still very much on the lookout for a job....and nothing's definite yet, but he said that he does see some adolescents and if I'm interested, we can get together for lunch when I get back from Texas and talk about me maybe seeing a couple of his clients on a very part time basis. This would probably be just 2 or 3 clients a month, but it would give me some practice and some supervision which would be great! Very nice man!

In other news, I'm trying to cut back on my coffee drinking....ok, trying to cut back on my coffee BUYING. Here's the deal: I worked at a coffee shop for 5 years which caused a very bad coffee addiction. The result is that I now only drink coffee shop coffee, which is expensive. I've got it down to two a day, and now I'm trying to get it down to one a day. I usually have an iced coffee in the morning from one coffee shop and an iced latte in the afternoon from another coffee shop. Cutting out the iced latte as it's a little more expensive. So for the second night in a row, I successfully turned my car around as I was headed towards the coffee shop and instead came home and drank a Coke Blak...which is really good by the way...it's a strangely delicious mix of Coke and Black Coffee....trust me on this one, it works.

Currently reading The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger on Carl's and many others recommendations and it really is a wonderful book. I was hooked immediately....like on page 1 immediately. What a fascinating book. I don't know if this is the best book in the world for me to read right now as it made me desperately miss Megan even more than I already do, but I can't resist it. I think it actually shows how wonderful of an author Niffenegger is that I could find Megan and myself in her pages. She captures the essence of love perfectly...that comfortableness in memories and that pain of being away from the person you love. But I'll be traveling to Megan in two weeks and I can't wait to just have some us time....so instead of wallowing in my own self pity while reading this book, I'm enjoying it for the wonderful story that it is :)

Speaking of wonderful stories (don't you love the random flow of this post) Orson Scott Card has published the latest issue of his online magazine Intergalactic Medicine Show. For those who have been reading this blog for any length of time, you know that I'm slightly obsessed with this man. This is his online magazine of fiction...and it's only $2.50 an issue!! This issue is amazing! There is a brand new short story by Peter Beagle in it, a brand new interview with Peter Beagle, A new Ender short story by Orson Scott Card, and essay on Snape from Harry Potter by Orson Scott Card, and numerous other short stories by other great authors. I've bought every issue so far, and they are all amazing...worth so much more than $2.50...I guess that's the beauty of an online magazine...no printing costs!

I would also like to point you to Orson Scott Card's latest weekly review column. He reviews The Prestige and The Illusionist and I enjoyed his comments on both.

And one final thing and I swear I'll shut up for the night...this was just too cool. So, I'm at Border's last night looking for the new Stardust hardcover (which still isn't out) and I come across the coolest art book. It's The Art of George R.R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire! This book is incredible! No, I didn't buy it because the only copy they had was beat up, but they have all these great drawings by incredible artist and quite a few drawings by Charles Vess!!! I had no idea that Vess did any Song of Ice and Fire art. It was great to see some of the characters translated by an artist. There was a wonderful picture of Daenerys and a great one of Jon as well among so many others. 192 pages of art. I'll definitely be picking this one up soon.

A Friendly Reminder of Impending Doom

So in the last couple of days I've applied for another 4 jobs. Two of these jobs are ones that I've really been hoping for. Well just a few minutes ago my phone rings and a number that I don't recognize shows up on caller ID. Immediately I go into panic mode and of course I don't answer the phone, letting it go to voicemail....I'll call back my future employer. I check the voicemail and alas, it is not my future employer...it is my dentist reminding me that I have to get a cavity filled at 8:00 tomorrow morning. How rude! I hate the dentist.... At least Neil Gaiman is kind enough to reward me with gifts for sitting through the torture of drilling in my mouth. I just hope that the kind people at the bookstore checkout do not wish to have a conversation with me as I will probably drool on the counter as my mouth will still be numbed with Novocaine...

The Appeal Of Going Back To School...

I went to UNO today to talk to the head of the Counseling PhD program. A very nostalgic feeling came over me being back on that campus. I got my bachelors in psychology at UNO and I have so many great memories from my college days at that school. Nothing has changed. The campus looks exactly the same and feels exactly the same except for parts of it still being closed since Katrina. I'd love to be back there as a student.

The meeting went well. I'm less anxious than I was before. The thing that worried me most was that a big part of the application leads you to believe that you need experience as a counselor in the field before you can apply as a PhD student, but the lady I met with told me that they do have a few students go straight through into the PhD program from a Master's program and encouraged me to apply. She also said that the majority of the students in the PhD program work either full time or at least part time, so I wouldn't feel so guilty about putting off working...I could actually make money while going to school. She did recommend that in the last year or two that students typically don't work while focusing solely on their dissertation. Basically she told me not to be discouraged by my lack of "real world" experience...that they look at the individual as a whole and consider everything...they assess how the individual will fit into their program to see if he or she will be a good fit with their values. So I feel good about it and I think I will apply for the spring. She told me about the interview process and if I make it that far, I promise you their will be a nervous breakdown at that point :p But hopefully I can hold it together for the interview itself if and when I even get to that point.

I'm glad I met with her...it really sounds like something that I want to pursue. I'll continue to think on it before I make my final decision, but as of now, I'm leaning towards applying for the spring...and of course, still looking for a job....what a fun process that has been :/

Phew!! And A Couple Of Web Wanderings

I'm officially calling this the "Get Shit Done Day". Because that's exactly what I've done all day. And I'm officially exhausted. I started the day with a shower, and I think that's where I'm about to end it.

I've had a lot of "other stuff" that's been needing to get done, so I decided to work on that today. Here's the list:

1. Pay the credit card bill: The bill has been staring at me every day and my lazy ass keeps saying, "I'll do it later". So I finally just did it. Done!

2. Apply for jobs: I posted my resume on hotjobs.com and on monster.com today. I also applied for a program counselor position at West Jefferson Hospital's Behavioral Center. I actually fit the eligiblity for that one! And lo and behold I got a job today!! Not a real job, but it's something. River Oaks (the hospital I've been interning at) called and asked if I would be interested in being a weekend counselor/social services PRN person on the child and adolescent unit. So I said sure! It's only 4 days a month, but it's fine by me. It's a little extra money and I get to work with the kids still. I loved it over there, so now I'm not gone completely. I work Saturday and Sunday every other weekend starting June 9th. Still looking for a real job though. Now I have to break it to the family that I PCA for that I won't be working with them anymore after 5 or 6 years :(

3. Walked 6 city blocks twice: Not really what the thing I crossed of my list was, but an accomplishment nonetheless. I had to drop off all of my internship time sheets to my professor at school in downtown New Orleans, but first I had to pick some stuff up from him that he signed and make copies of everything. So rather than going to Kinkos and paying for copies, I walked to my mom's office which is also in downtown New Orleans about 6 blocks away from school, right across from the Superdome. After making my copies, I walked back to school and up the three flights of stairs to drop the copies off to my professor. Now I think I'm really done with everything school related and nothing is holding me back from graduating. At least I hope so!

4. Got a haircut! Boy did I need one. I always hate the way my hair looks the first day I get a haircut, but it's growing on me...I guess literally...what a lame joke...OK

5. Put together a bookshelf: Put together bookshelf #2 of 3. This one was a pain for some reason. It took me forever to put this thing together, but I managed. I put my school books on it and all of my magazines and journals. It's the "academic shelf". I'll put the last one together tomorrow. I think that one's going to hold the cd's and dvd's.

As for the rest of the afternoon. I may still try to go to the gym even though I've probably burned about 1000 calories today and my arms are already sore from putting the bookshelf together. I'd like to wash the windows in my car. I'm going to try to finish Fablehaven...and of course...HEROES!

I also wanted to point everyone to two very cool links:

1. Bookfool started a new blog and it's the coolest thing EVER! It's a poppet photo blog entitled Poppet's Magnificent Traveling Adventures.

2. Endicott Studio has announced the publication of a new collection of fairy tales by a wonderful set of authors due out next year called The Cinderella Game. Can't wait for this one!

Tying Up Loose Ends And A Website

This has been a repetitive theme of my blog lately and I apologize for boring people to tears, but I'm fitting in another "end of the semester" blog entry.

Tomorrow's the last day at my internship site and I'm so sad about it. I've loved it over there so much. I'd work there for free if I could. OK, maybe not, but I've enjoyed it that much. I'm going to miss the patients so much even though they're only there for about a week at a time and the crowd is constantly changing. I feel like I've actually made a difference in these kid's lives. I see kids come into the hospital in a really bad off way and leave with a smile on their face and it feels so good to know that they have that fighting chance.

I had a family session at the end of the day today and thought to myself "that went horrible, she's not leaving anytime soon." The reason she's not leaving anytime soon is that she's still a threat to her family. Basically, people come into the hospital because they're a threat to themselves or a threat to others. Usually suicidal or homicidal attempts or ideation. We don't discharge them until the doctor thinks they're no longer suicidal or homicidal. So when I realized that the girl wasn't going home because she was still a threat to others, I had this moment of awakening that all of the other people who do go home have actually changed and they're actually not a threat to others anymore (for the moment at least). It felt so good to come to that realization and to think that I may have had a hand in steering them towards the change that they need to make. I definitely think that it's the client that does the work and makes the change. I take no responsibility for that. But it's nice to think that I might've put a spark into someone's mind that ignited a fire for change.

So now I'm getting nervous about not being able to find a job. I talked to a girl today who works at a grief counseling center for children down here and she said she would give my name and number to her boss. That made me happy. I'd love to do that. There's really not a whole lot of places to work with children here in New Orleans. That's the population I want to work with. I love working with adolescents. I've enjoyed it so much this semester and I know that's where I belong. Just can't find a place that will pay me to do that. I can do that in private practice, but I need somewhere to work while I'm getting my licensure first. We'll see.

On a totally different note, I've sparked up quite a conversation in the comments section of a previous post about a website that Marina told me about. The website is bookcloseouts.com. Now, in addition to that, bookfool went on to tell me about currentcodes.com that has a code for bookcloseouts.com that offers an additional savings. The bookcloseouts.com website offers all kinds of really great books at, you got it, close out prices. I scored 10 books for $60.15 after shipping. All of the books were hardcover or trade paperbacks. Marina also told me that you can enter a wishlist and it lets you know when books you want become available as closeout books. WARNING!! This is a VERY dangerous website ;) Stephanie wanted to know what books I bought, so here they are:

1. Wyrms by Orson Scott Card
2. The Book Of Ballads by Charles Vess and others
3. The Faery Reel ed. by Terri Windling Illus. by Charles Vess
4. The Wood Wife by Terri Windling
5. Into the Green by Charles de Lint
6. Lord of Light by Roger Zelazny
7. Tithe by Holly Black
8. What it Takes to Pull Me Through by David Marcus
9. The Eyre Affair by Jasper Fforde
10. Martin Dressler by Steven Millhauser

Not a bad list, eh?

Working Out and Job Search

After much complaining and whining "do i have to?" to myself, I finally got my butt to the gym today. And it felt great! I wasn't as out of shape as I thought I would be. I remember the first time I ever did the elliptical, I thought I was having a heart attack after like 3 minutes. I managed to go my normal 33 minutes (330 calories) today without a problem. I just really need to do something to get in shape before Mexico. That may be a lost cause at this point, but hopefully I can get rid of some of this gut. I don't want to be mistaken for a beached whale.

Jroy has been my motivation for this. She's done incredible. She lost tons of weight and is now in the "toning up" phase. I wish our gym offered classes like hers does, but I guess I can't complain. I pay less than $30/month and it's 24 hour access. I do like my gym, but I would rather like it to have workout classes.

Speaking of workout, there's an excellent show on Bravo! called Workout. I watched it last season, and the new season started on Monday. It's basically a show about a personal trainer who opened up her own high end fitness center. It focuses around her, her girlfriend, her trainers, and her clients. Great show and a great motivator.

After I had just about given up on the high school counselor position, I get a call from them. I don't know what to do now. I have a job offer at the hospital I'm at now, and I think I want to take it, but I think that maybe I should go on the interview at the high school as well. I don't know. I had sort of convinced myself that I didn't want the job. The job consists of mostly scheduling classes for the kids and not too much counseling. I really want a job that focuses on the counseling. What to do, what to do. I'll figure it out.

I'm also considering putting of the CRC exam (certified rehabilitation counselor) until October. I'm registered to take it in April, but I don't know when the hell I would have time to study. I could also put off the CEU's for awhile if I wait until October. I most likely won't even use that credential. The credentials I want are my LPC (Licensed Professional Counselor) and NCC (Nationally Certified Counselor). Those are what I would need to do any kind of private practice counseling, which is what I ultimately want to do.

In other quick news, Neil Gaiman has announced that tomorrow will see the release of the Stardust trailer...yay!!

Rationalization for Settling

Still haven't heard back from the high school I applied to for the guidance counselor position, but I honestly don't really care. I was having thoughts about whether or not I wanted to work there, and my gut feeling told me that I wouldn't like it. It involves way too much "school stuff" such as scheduling classes, and I personally feel like I didn't get this degree to schedule classes for people. I want to be a counselor. My would be supervisor told me that I would do very little actual counseling if I got the job, and I just don't think I'm OK with that. So if they don't call, I won't be upset, in fact, I'll be relieved in a way.

Here's the rationalization part. I love the hospital that I work at, and I really want nothing other than to work there. My problem is the pay. It's horrible, and it's a hospital that's known for paying very little. I'm trying to find ways to come to terms with the low pay, but it's just not happening. I get along really well with everybody and it's the best psyc hospital I've seen in Louisiana. I feel like I'm becoming part of the team, they're giving me more responsibility, and I just feel like I'm in a very comfortable fit at this place. I've been putting the word out more and more to people there that I would like to work there when I graduate but that the pay would need to be a little higher. Maybe someone will hear that and suggest something. I've been told by my supervisor and one of the other social workers that they would like to have me and they can't wait until I graduate. That's very flattering.

Here's my rationalization: My ultimate goal is to go into private practice, which is hugely in demand right now in New Orleans. In order to do this I need my LPC. We have LPC supervisors at the hospital. If I can work my supervision being payed for into my contract, that would figuratively add $5000 to my salary ($100/week for 50 weeks). Once I have my LPC, I can start a private practice and supplement my income at the hospital with that. Or if all works well, do only private practice. I'd also have my foot in the door for private practice because we're always looking for outside therapists for our clients for after they're discharged. I honestly just want to stay where I am when I graduate, because I know I'd be happy, and to an extent, that matters more than money. At the same time, I need to make enough money to at least pay my bills. So what do I do?

I got the best complement today. One of my patients asked me if I do private practice, and I told her that no, that's why I'm in school right now so that I can get to that point. She then told me that she wishes I did, because I'm the first therapist that she's ever felt comfortable with and been able to open up to, and she feels like I've really helped her. That made me smile, and at the same time made me upset that she's never had a therapist that she could be comfortable with.

I guess what I'm getting at is that I know I would be happy at the hospital and I can do the type of work that I really want to do. I want to deal with clinical cases. And maybe I can find a way to adjust my life to be able to live with the salary. Eventually, the salary will be where I want it to be, I may just have to accept that I'm going to start off on the low end.