Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Just me trying to make sense of things

There's been something going on with me lately and I'm not entirely sure what it is. Maybe it's burnout. I just want out of school right now I think. Strange though. I used to love school, love learning. Now I'm just sick of it. It's gotten to the point where I'm so burnt out on school that I don't even want to get up for my internship, which is really bad. I love my internship and if I were in a normal graduate program, that's all I'd be doing. But this semester I'm expected to work 40 hours a week at an internship, counsel for 6 hours monday nights, and go to an ethics class for 3 hours on tuesday nights. And of course, the ethics class entails lots of presentations and papers which I somehow have to make time for.

On top of this, I've started contemplating going straight into a doctoral program in child counseling, but I'm starting to think that's not such a good idea. In fact, I know it's not a good idea. I need some time off of school. Time to go out into the real world. Time to get my LPC. But part of me says "there's no time like the present" and "if you don't go now you'll never go". So what do I do? I think I'm just going to let things happen as they happen. In the long run and with a little initiative, life has a way of working things out.

I just want to lay in my bed and read books for the rest of my life. Can I get paid for that? Oh how I envy the few book reviewers out there who actually make a living off of doing that. Or at least just drop something...preferably school. I just don't see the point in counseling a fake client in front of the class. That has no comparison to the real world at all. I'll never be in that situation, yet the clinic experience is supposed to give us "real world experience". Hello! I get that at my internship.

All in all, it is my choice to be in this graduate program, so I guess I can't really complain too much. I could have out at any time, but I know I don't want that. I'll have my master's in May and I just have to keep reminding myself of that. If anything, working 40 hours a week will be a breeze after this semester. Hell, it'll be a break.

blah blah blah....sorry for bitching..had to vent...but I feel a little better now, and I think I will take my advice and relax in bed and read a book until class at 5:30...and yeah, I left my internship early today.


Carl V. said...

Sorry man, there are definitely too many days like these. If you can find out how to get that paid for reading in bed gig please pass on an application to me! I definitely feel like 'real world' experience is an invaluable companion to education that too many people pass up on. Nothing teaches as good as the experience of being in the trenches treating people with problems.

Chris said...

Thanks Carl. I'll let you know when I find the read in bed job ;)

Literacy-chic said...

I know exactly what you mean about the burnout--at least, for me there was absolutely no doubt that it was burnout after a while, but I also had the "they're making me do stupid, unnecessary things" syndrome. And in a way, they were, but that's pretty much grad school (in some fields). Also, they've pretty much been running you ragged. This degree is really the "fast track," and you've been totally dedicated (I have always had my slacker moments!--like now, since I should be writing...) Hang in there!

While going straight through sounds appealing, I wouldn't recommend it if you're feeling even slightly burnt out--remember that dissertation thing. It is really tempting to quit when you get to that stage (see Mommy Ph.D. on how ABD is really not so fun .)

And btw, I've got a degree in English (almost 3, actually). Shouldn't I get the lying in bed reading job? ;) Oh yeah, that's right--I no longer like reading! I've said before that grad school is a terrible thing! ;)

Chris said...

Grad school is a terrible thing! No, it's really not, but the last semester is pretty stressful and it can be miserable at times.

I'm thinking I'm going to wait on the PhD. for now. I need to get out in the working world for a little while. Too much school for now.

Thanks for the response :) and keep reading!!