Surprisingly not as bad as what I thought I'd be in for. I don't think I'm back for good yet, but I think the worst is behind me. Let's start with this week's Friday Fill In's, shall we?
1. Ah, me...what a freaking week and a however many days it has been. I think I've had more life changes in the last two weeks than I have in all of my 30 years of life prior to that. Those are mostly good life changes though!
2. Change is what's on my mind most lately.
3. When I talk to my best friend, I truly feel a deep sense of relief and I don't know what I would do without her.
4. Peace, calm, quiet and time to myself is what's working for me lately when I can get it.
5. I recently saw the apartment of my dreams. And I put a deposit down on it!
6. Knowing that Matt will be here in just barely over a month fills me with joy!
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to reconnecting a little bit with my blogging friends and just relaxing, tomorrow my plans include going to see dad at the hospital real quick before working from 3-11 at night and Sunday, I want to spend the day at the hospital with dad, maybe fit in some gardening, some shopping for the new place and definitely some reading time!
Change is certainly the theme of my break from blogging! Like I said in my last post prior to my "taking a break" post, I came out to my mom finally. And it really has been so freeing and stress reducing. I can't imagine what all this would be like right now with that still behind closed doors! And there have been plenty of steps forward taken. This is going in a good direction :) Today I went and saw the apartments that Matt and I will be living in and they are gorgeous! I'm so excited!! I put the deposit down too! Move in day will May 19th for me and fear not blogging friends (and Renay especially ;)), I got all the info I needed to get wireless set up the day of the move!!
The biggest thing in the last week has been dad's surgery. He had to undergo yet another major surgery, this making three in the last month, and he made it out once again like a champ. But not without scaring the living crap out of me first. He had a hard time getting off the ventilator this time and the first time I saw him he still had the breathing tube in and he was awake and it was just such a horrible sight :( Really freaked me out. He looked awful and it was so hard to see him like that. But today he is looking so much better and hopefully this is the end of the countless surgeries he's had and it's a new lease on life for him. I'm ready for it and I KNOW he has to be.
In the midst of everything I've read next to nothing. The one book I did finish though is a new favorite. It was very appropriate for this month, a beautiful book of poetry called What the Living Do by Marie Howe. I really can't put into words how much this book touched me. It chronicles her relationship with her brother...growing up with him, her life as an adolescent, her journey with him as he struggled to fight a battle against AIDS, and her grieving and finding her way after his ultimate death. This book is right up there with Katrina Vandenberg's Atlas, which is easily not only one of my favorite poetry books, but just one of my favorite books ever. I'll leave you with a poem from What the Living Do and I hope to be back with everyone here again soon!
He rose on the surface of it like the layers of water on top of a wave
that won't break - you've seen those swells -
cold and moving like something breathing you can't see, collecting and
collecting until it seems uncontainable, heaving on and on, rising and
rising and growing bigger.
When it got very bad, he'd say, Tell me a story,
and after an hour or so, he'd say, We got through that one, didn't we?
Until a day came when he said, Marie,
you know how we've been waiting for the big pain to come?
I think it's here. I think this is it.
I think it's been here all along.
And he did take the morphine, and he died the next week.
Crap....cried again just typing that up....I love this book. The whole book isn't bleak. But it's true to his and her existence and experience. And it's just one of the most powerful books of poetry I've ever read.