Thursday, January 11, 2007

I need motivation

When it comes to school and work, I have the motivation I need. I wake up when I need to, turn in papers on time (if not early), always show up to my shifts on time....blah blah blah. But when it comes to my personal life, I seem to have none. Why is this? You would think it would be the opposite. You'd think that in my personal life I'd just do what I want. I set many goals for myself, both personally and professionally. One of those goals is to write a novel. It's something I've always wanted to do and I have what I consider to be a great story in my head.

Here's my problem. I never write! I get so excited and tell myself "I'm going to sit down tonight and start on this". And I never do. It's not like I can't write, I consider myself to be a decent writer, I just don't do it. And it's something that excites me. The counselor in me wants to say that I avoid it as a way to protect myself. If it turns out really bad, I'll be upset. If I can't get the ideas to flow smoothly from my head to the paper (or computer screen), I'll be upset. So I just don't do it.

There's another reason why I'm afraid to start writing it: I think it's a really great story. Every time in the past that I've taken an idea and put it onto paper, it turns into a short story because I get impatient and wrap it up quickly. Which makes the story not deep at all. I don't want that to happen to this one, because I like it so much and can see so many branches and complexities to the story. So what exactly do I do? I don't want it to turn into just another short story. I want the great American novel. I want to fully explore my ideas and make it a successful attempt. I just don't know how to make myself start it.

1 comment:

Carl V. said...

How about doing something way crazy like starting the story somewhere besides the beginning? Get some of the complexities and things that you know happen later on in the tale down and then build the story around it? Then again I don't write, do exactly the same thing you are doing with not writing, not making art, etc, so what do I know? LOL!