Monday, October 6, 2014

Hello Friends

I've been going back and forth, debating what to do with space. I'll never get rid of's become too much a part of me over the years to do that and I've made too many friends over the years to close the book on it. What I keep struggling with is the sense of obligation that comes with this blog. It's an obligation entirely put on myself BY myself, I know that. I know that no one will hate me if I don't post here even though my brain brings me to that place sometimes. I know I'm not a failure if I don't post here even though that's where I end up. Same goes with not commenting on other people's blogs. It's NEVER that I don't want to or even that I don't read people's just gets the best of me sometimes. 

I think it's time for a redefinition of this blog. I think I need to stop calling it a book blog, a review blog, a this blog or a that blog. With that comes a lot of expectations that I put on myself and a lot of limitations as well. And it sure doesn't help me any when I get into these funks that I've been in seemingly ALL YEAR this year. You see...last month I read all of TWO books. So really, I had nothing to blog about therefore making me feel like even more of a failure for having accomplished nothing. This is how my brain works when it goes into it's depressive states. 

I think this is just going to be a "blog" now. No labels, no limitations, no restrictions or exclusions. I'll just write about whatever I want to write about whenever I want to write about it. If that's about books, that's fantastic! But if I'm not inspired by what I'm reading, so be it. I started blogging in 1999...way before book blogging. I didn't start book blogging until 2007. My first blog was on deadjournal, then I migrated to myspace, then book blogging. What blogging has always been about for me in essence was having a space to talk and connect and share my thoughts with like minded people and even if those people aren't like minded sometimes, to engage in conversation. To have an outlet to get my voice out there through my fingertips and that's something that I crave and miss when it's not there. 

In the last couple of years I think I've lost that to an extent...or maybe forgotten that. I forgot to have fun along the way maybe. Forgot that this is supposed to be carefree. So I'm bringing that back. I'm not promising to blog every day or even every week. I'm not promising exciting content here. But, I'm going back to my roots. Books, music, life...the good, the bad, the new, the mundane, the exciting. I just want a place to record it and share it again. 

I actually intended to write about my botox injections I got today for my migraines (that went surprisingly well only I can't show the emotion of surprise all that well :p) today, but botox just doesn't fit into this post all that well so I'll leave it at this and tell you all about the excitement of botox later on :p Oh, and I'm totally readathon-ing next Saturday too! Who else is in? Ok, that's all for today.


Kristen M. said...

I am definitely read-a-thoning. And I will definitely read your blog no matter what is in it. Let this space be a release, a place for thoughts, feelings, rants and rejoicing and not a place of obligations. You deserve to be happy in all aspects of life. :)

Debi said...

:D :D :D That is all.

Heather said...

CHRIS!!!! I MISSED YOU MAN!!!!! So glad you're going to try to pop up more often. And dude, Free Range Blogging (and reading) is THE WAY TO GO. said...

Ditching the book blogger label and becoming a life blogger... more specifically and Amanda's life blogger lifted the pressure. I miss you. Not the book reviews. Just your warm, humorous, brilliant self.

Eva said...


I've struggled w blogging the past couple of years too, mainly because of self-imposed guilt, so I get where you're coming from. But I'm so glad you're coming back and loosening your expectations: I'm trying to do the same thing! I've missed you: can you believe we've known each other since 2007?! Crazy!!!

Chris Howard said...

Kristen, Thanks dear :) Looking forward to readathoning with you!!

Debs, :D back!

Heather, I missed you too! Totally agree that free range blogging is the way to go...should've done it a long time ago :/

Amanda, Aww, you don't know how much that means to me! Really, that comment meant the world. *hugs*

Eva, It's completely crazy that that much time has passed!! Though at the same time it feels like I've known you my whole life ;) It's good to know that some friendships stand the test of time even if I disappear forever :p *hugs*

Jeane said...

Hey I was wondering if you weren't blogging anymore, or if I had been glossing over your posts because the books were unfamiliar...? I think everyone's blog changes over time, and of course you should do with it what you like. Mine has gone the other direction- from having some personal stuff now and then to being mostly just bare-bones about books. At least, I feel that way!

Beth F said...

Just write what you want! I'm always sooooooo happy when I see your blog pop up in my reader.

jpderosnay said...

good call, my friend.

blogs are weird that way, aren't they? the way they make you feel guilty like that.

for me, my life has just changed. i've become so much busier since i started blogging and genuinely don't have the time, as much as i'd like to blog.

part of it was the guilt, though. the guilt over not blogging as much as i wanted to. writing proper reviews, as i'd like to. reading other people's blogs as much as i wanted to. but then if that means that i write nothing, isn't that worse? it's very silly.

so i'm trying again. i've tried before, with a limited commitment, but not even that worked... *sigh* so now i'm trying again with zero commitment :) haha! let's see how that goes. by now it might just be you, carl and fence reading it :)

i hope it goes well with you and your new resolution. i look forward to reading your shit, but please don't feel pressure to write anything. even if i just read one thing written by you a year (every two years, whatever) i'm happy. just do it when you're ready, my friend.

Snowball said...

Happy Blog Redefinition Day!

Whenever I check in and find a new post, it is a bright spot in my day.

I'll take those happy surprises any time they happen, and I don't care about the topic.

Oh, and I truly hope the botox helps.

Bookfool said...

You can call your blog whatever you want to, Babe. Just keep writing!!!!!

Lu @ Regular Rumination said...

Can I tell you a secret? I don't like blogs that are just about books... I want to know more about you and your life and the exciting things you're doing! And of course, the books you're reading. i've been trying to figure out how to do this well myself. Like Amanda said, though, I don't miss your book reviews, I miss you! So you do blogging like you want to do blogging. I've been a firm believer in this for years. Good luck with the new definition! I know you can make this space yours and ditch the guilt, because you've already got such a defined voice. So happy you're back!!!