2012 - The Year Personally

There's a lot to talk about as far as 2012 goes, so I thought I'd break it up into a few posts. I'm going to talk about what this year has been like for me personally here, then I'll have three more wrap up posts coming in the last few weeks of the year to come...the year in gardening, the year in music and the year in books.

It's funny how every year we start off the year saying that "THIS will be the year that is perfect and the absolute best and when everything changes." That's what I said at the beginning of 2012. And now that I'm actually thinking about 2012...yeah..what a year it's been. It's been full of change and probably the biggest year of my life to date. I've caught myself saying often throughout this year "this has been the worst year ever" though. It's easy to get caught up in a current moment and to not look at the bigger picture. But when you can step back and look at the bigger picture of things, things really are so good.

The not so good of the year is mostly related to work. But there's a lot of good there too. The bad comes in with my full time job. I work for a private psychiatric hospital and it's really hard doing that. I got into this field because I want to help people and working for a private hospital it becomes all about the almighty dollar. And as a result of that, politics. People become business. Everything becomes business and everything gets tied up in tons of strings and it can make one's job so overwhelming, dreadful and just exhausting on some days.

The bright side of things is that I got my counseling license this year finally and am now completely independent in my own private practice and business is decent. Not really busy, but busy enough to where it's a decent extra little income. It's something I've worked at for literally years. At least ten years at this point since I really knew EXACTLY what I wanted to do. And it's so nice that that day is finally here and I'm where I wanted to end up professionally.

On the family front, a lot has changed. Good and bad. The bad is my dad's health. The year started with him being hospitalized again due to pancreatitis and fluid on his lungs as a result of that and then numerous repeated hospitilazitions as a result of that stay. This is all because of his alcoholism. I could rant and rave for a novel's length here, but the bottom line is, it's been stressful. And you think he would learn to take care of himself after that...when the doctor says, take care of yourself or you could die, but he hasn't. So that continues to be a daily stressor.

The good is that I'm continuing to adjust to the new way things are. Because I've moved out of my mom's house after 31 years for the first time! I finally got my own place this year. I'm renting right now with the hopes of finding a place around where I'm renting to buy a house, but I truly do love the little apartment that I have. It's everything I could want in my own place and it feels like me. It was SO much harder for me to adjust than I ever thought it would be. I knew it would be rough living on my own at first, but didn't realize how rough. There were nights when I left my mom's to go back to my own house and just felt crushed and devastated and I didn't think things would ever feel normal again. But of course, as things always do, they've become the new normal and my little home feels like home now.

The reason I moved out finally is because this is the year after 31 years of life that I finally came out to my mom as a gay man. I came out to most of my friends as well. This has been the number one stressor on me for my entire life. I've talked about it to exhaustion so I'm not going to talk about it even more on here. But yeah, let's say it was by far the hardest thing I've ever done and the best thing I've ever done. And it's changed my life infinitely for the better. I couldn't ask for a better mom, a better sister, or a better set of friends. I've had nothing but support and I thank all of you for that and my family.

I came out finally because of Matt. I met Matt a little over two years ago and we started a long distance relationship. This year, we took it to the next level and moved in together to our little apartment in Mandeville and it's been wonderful living with him every day. You may have noticed that I've been more quiet about us around here lately and that's because we've decided that we're better off as friends. I'll leave the reasons unsaid on here because they're personal, but I can tell you it's nothing bad at all and he's one of my best friends and I suspect he always will be and we're still living together, just in separate spaces now. He still makes me smile every day, just for different reasons.

So that's my year in review! I really can NOT imagine 2013 topping 2012 and frankly, I don't think I want it too! But at the same time after looking at all that happened in 2012, I'm really interested in what all waits in 2013!