I'm sitting here in my office which is shrinking by the day, or becoming larger by the day depending how you want to look at it. Suffice it to say that my stuff is leaving the office a little bit each day. All that's left now is a few case files, a bowl of suckers, a book, 4 tubes of play-doh, and a slinky. Sounds like a party to me!
Every time I think I've moved past the point of anger and have finally accepted things for what they are, rage seems to come back again. None of it seems fair. I teach my kids how to deal with their anger issues every day, how to properly express their anger, how to not let it eat them up and consume them, but sometimes I wonder if I myself am capable of doing that. At least I'm not punching holes in doors and walls which is more than I can say for some of my kids. Maybe I'll make things out of play-doh and then smash them flat like the kids do...they seem to enjoy that.
Please read this article. This is the kind of stuff that infuriates me!!! This was in yesterday's newspaper. There is a huge budget surplus in Louisiana right now, yet mental health programs for the youth of this city are being cut! It's inane! Needless to say, we've all written our legislators to give them a piece of our mind and despite the budget surplus, they're still shutting down our program. This is a program that provides therapy to kids who need it. The beauty of this program is that kids get services who otherwhise wouldn't. It's done at the schools, so transportation is not an issue. You don't have to worry about mom or dad not being able to keep the appointment or getting them there. I've said all this before, but it apparently doesn't matter to the powers that be.
So for now, I sit here in my office with just one case left doing pretty much nothing. The one kid that I'm still working with said he's going to miss the program and that he was having fun. To quote him "It was cool, I got to play with stuff and eat candy and you actually listened to me...we talked about stuff." His mom told me that this was the first time that they've ever actually seen results and seen improvement. I know they're both going to miss the program, and so am I. He requested Jolly Rancher suckers as the candy jar was running low, so it's now full of those for our last session which is tomorrow. After that, I don't know what happens. It just sucks having to leave this kid after he finally opened up to someone.
14 comments:
Man. That just sucks. Maybe it's because I'm a mom, but anything that cuts programs for kids just makes my blood boil. And especially mental health programs.
Keep up the good fight Chris!
Hi baby boy.. I know you are angry and down about this.. not a whole lot you can do, but as long as you did what you could to help while there, and wrote the congressmen.. sigh.. I will be glad when you are gone from there so it's not so "in your face". Your upbringing (by your "other mom") and your schooling taught you what needs to be done.. doing it (thanks to the government) is not always possible, or easy.
Blah. That DOES suck. Even if there wasn't a budget surplus, I'm sure there is funding going to things less important than this. You have every right to be angry... this is incredibly unfair, and also incredibly sad.
Steph, I'll keep up the good fight as long as I can! It boils my blood too...always will...
Deslily, You're absolutely right. I guess I get so angry because it is so in my face right now. But it's also because I feel like I'm being pulled away kicking and screaming. I really just don't want to leave this job at all and I have no choice in the matter. It's so upsetting. I wish time would just slow down so I could get more accomplished while I'm here...
Nymeth, The funding is going to things far less important than this, but it's a hard battle to win. It's more frustrating than anything. Like I told Deslily, I feel like I'm holding on so tight to this job but I'm being dragged away forcefully by powers stronger than me and it sucks. But there's only so much that can be done. This blog is way too sad today...I need to post a book review! ;)
You're doing exactly what you need to do to deal with your anger. You are talking about it here, and no doubt elsewhere, and trying to do whatever constructive complaining you can do. All that can be done beyond that is for things to take their course and for you to continue to be an active part of your state and advocate for more mental health funding. At least you can walk away knowing that during your brief time at the program you gave it your all and the seeds you've sown in those kids lives will make a difference.
On a lighter note, I couldn't help notice the humor in you talking about Jolly Rancer suckers and then following it up with an "It just sucks" comment!
:)
I hope you find a job where you can utilize your passion to help kids and also work to turn things around in your state.
Carl, I guess I'm doing the right thing, lol. I have these anger flare ups and a few hours later I go back to these posts and want to delete them, but I'm leaving them up because they are my true thoughts on the situation. It's just a good thing I'm not like this all day otherwise I'd be pretty miserable to be around! I just wish there was more that could be done...but there isn't...that's the most frustrating thing, that sense of helplessness. Sucks. Totally didn't catch that by the way with the suckers, lol...It's my subconscious trying to make me laugh I guess :p
Chris,
I don't doubt that the kids will miss you. It is nice to know that you have made a difference, though! That's the kind of thing that has to keep us all going sometimes--those case-by-case successes! It's probably all bureaucratic. It's that "funding has to come from this source but the surplus is over here" bull. State universities are full of it, so I guess they get it from the state. In the mean time, chin up, buy a new book, vent on the blog, and I'll buy you some new colors of play doh for Christmas! (Don't they make black now?) Love ya! ~N
N, Thanks for making me smile :) I hate the bureaucracies of funding...it's all ridiculous. Lord knows they don't pay us much, it wouldn't cost them that much to keep our program alive. Do they really make black play-doh?? My angst-ridden teens would love that! I have to find some of that :) Love y'all too, thanks!
Oh, Chris, I'm so sorry for you and the kids the program was helping. I'd be angry, too; shutting down a useful mental health program when there's a budget surplus just makes no sense. I find that the older I get, the less I understand about such things. Hugs to you and those kids.
I wish I knew what to say, I really do. I am sick to my stomach. Seriously. It just makes no f***ing sense. None.
Thanks for making me smile :)
Glad to return the favor!
Do they really make black play-doh??
I'll double check, but I'm pretty sure! You might have to wait for Halloween--they probably sell black and orange packs. The play doh thing cracked me up--gotta try that!
Bookfool, Thanks for the hugs :) It makes no sense to me either. That's the biggest bother about the whole thing. But I can only fight it for so long. I guess eventually I have to accept things for how they are and move on to how I can help NOW. Just sucks that this program is getting shut down...
Debi, I think we're twins...seriously, lol. We seem to share a brain. You echo my thoughts exactly. There comes a point where you just can't say anything more about it. It's really just sickening.
N, The play-doh thing cracked me up too. Really happened in a session. A kid made a snowman and snowgirl...they were boyfriend and girlfriend...we happened to be talking about mom and dad while he was making these who he had been having serious issues with and then SPLAT! Play-doh mom and dad were no more. I guess it's more therapeutic than taking it out on his real mom and dad, lol!
This is F**king unfair. Where is the surplus going to then? Bloated, wealthy politicians?
I'm amazed when I read this:
"We don't think we've found the peak yet," Albrecht said.
You mean there's going to be more revenue coming in?
They didn't have to cut anything. With the surplus they could have just maintained the status quo.
This is injustice.
D-O, Exactly, Why cut anything at all with a budget surplus? Why not let things run how they currently are? I've heard that they're worried about the future...Well cut the damn program then! Not now! The kids need us now and the program has more than enough funding...grr. We need to attack them with your beanie bear...that'll do the trick ;)
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