Thursday, September 27, 2007

Thoughts On A Thursday

I've noticed that my mind has been somewhat stagnant lately and it's a very unsettling feeling. Life needs to move on. I feel like I've spent the last few months just waiting. Waiting for Megan to come back home, waiting to start my job, waiting for some spark to ignite, and I just need things to happen. And I know they will, and I know that they will happen very soon. In fact, I'm going into work on Tuesday to fill out all of my tax forms and payroll stuff so that I can start on the following Monday and there's talk of Megan coming for another visit soon.

I really have enjoyed the time off of school and work, but I'm not the type of person who takes idle time well. Sure, I say that I'd love to just lay in bed all day and read, and that certainly appeals to me, but I need something else in my life. Things will get better with the start of work. This funk has been going on for awhile and I just couldn't figure it out, and it all sort of made sense all of a sudden when I was talking to Megan today and she said "We never talk about things for hours anymore." I asked what she meant and she brought up how we used to talk about various topics ranging from philosophy to hamburgers for hours on end and it all clicked. Most of those conversations were brought on by stuff that happened during my day or hers. We still talk about the things that happen during her day, but when it comes to my day, there's not much to report on these days. I used to talk about what happened at the internship or what happened in class or what I learned that day and it would spark a long conversation and we'd go on forever. I miss that. I miss those long conversations. I miss the academic life already, or my days at my internship, and I just can't wait to get back into the counseling profession. Just a week and a half to go and I'll be there again.

God, this is a depressing post, and it really wasn't meant to be. I don't necessarily feel depressed, just sort of in a mist...waiting...but at the same time, once my job starts, I'll no doubt be bitching about how much I miss my reading time and how much I miss blogging. I've grown so attached to being in the blogiverse (I like that word :p) all day that I don't know what I'll do without checking in on everyone all day. But I'm sure that's how I'll spend my evenings...checking in with friends and burying my nose in books. Actually, come to think about it, Megan and I do still have some fun conversations and they're usually related to things I read in blogs...or on the latest book I'm reading. You would all be surprised how much Megan knows about you ;) But it's a sign of how much I truly enjoy everyone's "company". I talk like you're all friends that I see in person every day!

One spark of the day on a book related note. After hearing of them from Stephanie, I decided to submit a review to Curledup.com to see if they'd consider me as a reviewer. Well, they apparently liked what they saw and are sending some books my way this weekend! Free books should cheer me up. I don't know what I've got myself into with all of these challenges and now I've commited to reviews...I might have to admit defeat eventually, who knows...

16 comments:

Bookfool said...

I know several people who do CurledUp reviews. Very cool. Free books are always an upper.

Hang in there; you'll be working, soon, and then you'll have more to talk about and fewer stretches to fill. As illogical as it seems to be down about all that free time, some of us are just not self-motivated and need a job or school, etc., to stay challenged. I've always had trouble with that (since moving to the South and away from that nice, cheap education I was working on).

Chris said...

Bookfool, CurledUp sounds like a great review program and the lady I've been talking with is really nice.

It does seem illogical to be down about free-time...that's what's been getting to me. I love free time for a little while, but eventually I run out of stuff to fill it with...which I guess defeats the purpose of free time, lol! The south does tend to enjoy free time much more than the rest of the nation...we like to take things slowly down here ;) Mostly because it's so damn hot!

DesLily said...

I hope you enjoy the free books and reviews..

I don't think I would want to do that.. I love to read, but I want to read "what I want to read", take my time if I so choose etc. You are bound to get some books that you would have never chosen for yourself..and though they may turn out to be good books, I'd be wanting to read one off of my tbr pile that "I chose" instead..but I'm weird that way lol..

Carl V. said...

Free books, yay! And congrats.

Its not depressing to let people know where you are at and what is going on. I'm sure the funk will lift once work starts and your life settles into a more normal routine. As much as we all love to contemplate a life of leisure, in some part we were made to have a desire for accomplishment and a balance between work and play. Look forward to hearing of your job highs and lows.

jenclair said...

My husband and I have found this happening at different times in our marriage. The same thing applies when people become completely involved in work. There was a time when I all I was interested was school and my students, and he was as single-minded in his work.

Now that I don't work, the problem sometimes becomes like yours...not much to report. When I realize it is happening, I work frantically to find something that could be extrapolated into a conversational ploy! :) I think the cycles are typical of most couples, Chris, but I hate it when it happens.

Dark Orpheus said...

Hey, I know this sounds lame, but chin up, okay? Like Jenclair says, sometimes we go through cycles of good and bad. With the distance between you and Megan, it's more difficult.

I actually admire how you guys manage to stay in each other's life in spite of the distance. I have never found the will nor the stamina to keep people in my lives like you two.

But no worries about not being able to read blogs at work. I do a lot of blogging and blog-reading at work. Book reading time may be cut down a lot.

Oops. I'm a bad example. Don't be like me.

Debi said...

You know, maybe I shouldn't say this, but I really do understand. Sometimes I feel like that about the whole path I've chosen...you know the whole stay-at-home mom gig. Not that I'm at loose ends with too much free time. But just that I'm "not out there in the world" and end up feeling like I have nothing to talk about with anyone. But you know, it was the route I chose, and I'm content with it (despite some of those feelings). I'm sure you'll be feeling "back to normal" as soon as that new job starts! Can't wait to hear how it goes...it really is getting close now, isn't it?

Amy said...

I am a stay at home mom too. I don't have tons of free time but I understand about not feeling "connected." What helps me a lot is to just remember that this, too, will pass. Sounds corny, I know...sorry!

I signed up for Curledup.com too and just got a note that I will be getting some books this weekend! Great minds and all :o)

Good luck and hang in there!

Stephanie said...

Oh Chris, you sound too blue!! As soon as you start your wonderful new job, things will be happening so fast you will look back on this down time and probably miss it!! Of course, I do understand being in a funk. It's hell to get out of sometimes, but when you do, things will be even better!

Yeah for you too!! CurledUp is a pretty great site!! And Sharon is a great editor and a very nice person. Free books are always good!! Can't wait to read your reviews!

Chris said...

Deslily, One of the things I like about CurledUp is that they give you a list of books to choose from! So I picked out books that sounded interesting to me including that "Firefly Gate" book that you reviewed not long ago. And they didn't give me a specified time to have reviews due by, though I'll try to get them done quickly for them. I'm thinking I'll do one book for me, one book for a review...and so on...We'll see how it goes. If I'm enjoying it, I'll ask for more books, if not, I'll drop it.

Carl, Free books are always cool! One of the one's I picked is one I heard of from you...The Neddiad by Pinkwater. I remember seeing it on your blog and I know you're a fan of Pinkwater, so I figured I'd probably dig it. You're right...the words "normal routine" sound wonderful right now. That's what I'm looking for right now. I really have enjoyed my time off, but I do need to balance it off with some kind of normalcy...some achievable goal (preferably resulting in a paycheck ;)

Jenclair, Thanks for sharing that. I know that things like this are bound to happen, and they've happened before, but they always result in a funk...but life does pick up again...and you're absolutely right...it's a cycle, and it's typical..something that's bound to happen. It's not necessarily a bad thing and it hasn't caused any problems, it's just a downer. Thanks for the support :)

Dark Orpheus, I'm chinning up :) It really is more difficult with the distance because all we have is phone conversations...so when there's nothing to say on the phone, even that is somehow taken away. But then again, we seem to find stuff to talk about even if it's the silliest stuff imaginable.

It hasn't been easy to keep the relationship together...we've broken up twice since the hurricane, but I think that our relationship is actually stronger now than it's ever been. The distance forces you to really examine the relationship and test if the bonds are strong enough to hold and we found that they were after a few tests ;)

And trust me...if there's a computer around me at work, I'll be sneaking onto it ;) And I'll definitely still be getting in as much reading time as possible, though it's bound to be cut into quite a bit :(

Debi, Now you see, I think that you have one of the most interesting lives out there! It's funny how different people have different perspectives on things. I always look forward to reading your blog to see what you're doing. Between your wonderful children, the amazing food you cook, the books you read to them, the crafts you create, the activities that you do, and the list goes on and on and on, I get quite envious ;) I would love to do half as much. I think you have one of the coolest households I've heard of and that's a result of you taking the path you chose. I guess no matter what we choose to do with our lives, it eventually becomes routine and the "newness" looses it's gimmick. So we're bound to feel somewhat stagnant again. Thank God for blogs to vent, huh?

Amy, Doesn't sound corny at all..in fact it's one of my favorite phrases and I repeat it to myself all the time :) And you're absolutely right...it will. Like I told Debi, above...I have the highest respect for stay at home mom's. What you do is probably one of the toughest jobs out there, yet you all make it look so easy ;)

CurledUp sounds great, huh? They seem really nice and told me I'd be getting books sent to me this weekend to! And what a list they have to choose from!

Stephanie, I got some sleep and woke up less blue ;) I've just been on a down kick lately, but I'm back on an up swing, so I should be in better spirits. You're right, I'll definitely be missing this down time in a couple of months! I officially give you permission to throw this post in my face when I complain :p

I was re-reading some of your CurledUp reviews and they will come in handy for the format of how they want them to look as far as the rating system and copyright stuff and everything. So you'll be getting lots of hits on your past reviews soon ;)

Debi said...

Damn, Chris...there you were feeling in a bit of funk...and what do you do? You end up making ME feel better! I'm serious, I can't tell you how good it felt to read your words! And you know, I suspect you're right...when you've been at anything for a while, it's bound to feel "old" and maybe not so exciting anymore. But it's probably that commitment to something (whatever it may be) that brings a lot of the rewards as well. Anyway, Chris...Thank You!
Hope you have a truly fabulous weekend!

Literacy-chic said...

Sorry to hear that you've been blue! Meg was talking to me about your job & how it keeps getting put off. That must be hard. I understand how it feels to feel like you're not really accomplishing anything. The difference with me is that I was feeling that even though I had definite things that should have been engaging me--they just weren't. :P The good thing is that you don't sound burned out--just bored!! I'm starting to think that burnout is related to depression, just milder (or something). And being isolated from people really contributes. But enough about me--I hope things get better soon, and that you find some things to do so that you have things to talk about!! Now, I must say, I wouldn't worry about the not having anything to talk about as a couple thing! Distance is part of that, as is the lack of a daily routine. When you're in a funk, it's hard to talk to ANYONE the way you'd like to! I see you posted a review since this one, but I had to chime in here. Also, I posted a very Chris-like post today--a chronicle of book purchases--and so I was thinking about you & had to stop by. :)

jean pierre said...

bugger. i can totally understand how you feel... that is so frustrating!

at least your job is starting soon, so that should make a difference...!

Chris said...

N, Thanks :) I'm hoping that burn out doesn't come too fast with this job! I have a feeling it won't. Things should be interesting enough and the cases I have should be varied enough to where I don't have to worry about that too much. Hopefully with your Doctorate some new doors will open up for you that will allow for some new experiences! I can't imagine how anxious you are for that degree!

JP, I suppose that feeling gets us all sometimes, eh? It's definitely a universal thing and it's bound to happen to everyone. It seems to have hung around for a few days and then left. I'm feeling a bit better now and I definitely think the new job will have me feeling even better than that!

Nymeth said...

I know how you feel, Chris... I have spent some long periods like that, just waiting around for life to begin. It can get frustrating, but in the end it does pay, because the things one waits for are definitely worth it.

The start of your new job will certainly improve things for you, though. And hopefully after that time will fly until you and Megan can be reunited for good.

Chris said...

Nymeth, The long waits usually are worth it, and I guess that's the reason that we usually get so down...it's the anticipation of knowing that there's something good out there, but it's being delayed. But I'm on an upswing now as things are looking much better this week. Thanks for the encouragement :)